so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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