I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize