My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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