She announced her abortion via fbk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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