wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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