Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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