I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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