Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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