Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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