thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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