Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
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Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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