The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize