bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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