please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize