Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize