I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is the high leading the old right now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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