What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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