i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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