oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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