Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize