I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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