3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize