My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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