Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
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This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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