Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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