thus making me awesome and them whores
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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