69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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