yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
not ubering you a puppy
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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