I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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