I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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