hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
being pregnant is like rehab
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize