So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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