he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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