I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we're making bets on your personal life
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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