Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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