so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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