Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize