oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize