I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
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I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
there is puke in my bra ... again
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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