Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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