Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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