She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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