Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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