you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
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Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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