I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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