hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize