When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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