The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
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You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
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So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize