So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
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Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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