thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
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She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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